The Bouquet Toss

All my single ladies... put your hands up! ... if you're finished with the bouquet toss!  Who invented this tradition?  And why?  Who wants to be pelted with a bridal bouquet? 

For those of you who don't regularly attend weddings, haven't been to one in awhile or are male... let me explain.  This is the time of night where all the single ladies are called to the floor.  Don't try to get out of this ritual.  There is nothing like a wedding to bring out the name calling in others.  If you don't report to the floor front and center, be assured.. someone will call your absence to the room's attention.  "Ohhh... Cindy.. Cindy.. come on.."  Ummm.. If Cindy wanted to be present for the bouquet toss, she would have been up there about two minutes after the announcement.  When we've assured that all the single ladies are on the floor, the bride turns around and throws the bouquet up over her head.  Watch out!  You never know where that thing is going.  Don't forget... while you are either ducking from the bouquet or moving towards it, watch out for 'those' girls.  You know, the ladies that believe if they actually catch it, there wedding will be next.  Also, watch out for the flower girls.  (Note:  It is not okay to rip the bouquet out of a child's hands. It's frowned upon.)  Be careful not to slip and fall.  Also.. fights over the bouquet don't usually end well.

Here some of my snarky advice for future brides on the bouquet toss:

• Believe it or not, not everyone wants to take part in this age old tradition.  I understand that you want people there to catch it; however, if you have announced it a couple times, I heard.  If I'm still not present, there is your sign. 
• Don't call the single ladies out by name!  I, for one, don't want my relationship status or lack thereof to be pointed out to everyone attending.  Once again, I know my way to the front of the floor.  I'll be there if I want to be there. 
• Please no pity party for the single gals.  I've long since abandoned the thought that I was going to meet some great single guy at a wedding.  Don't try to pretend it's going to happen.  Let's face it.... it's not on men's top ten list of things to do this year.  Plus, some of us are actually alright with being single.... at times. 
• If a single lady hides in the bathroom during this event, do not sit around and wait until she comes out.  (Unless of course she's expressed just how excited she is about it three times this evening.)
• Don't launch the bouquet!  You're not a pro football player.  A nice, soft toss works just fine.    
• You only get one chance.  If your bouquet doesn't make it, you're out of luck.  Use your toss wisely.     

I think that about covers my (and many other ladies' thoughts on the bridal bouquet toss.  Don't worry!  I'm sure I'll have more advice for brides right after my next wedding!